Snake Attack
Today, I heard the most dreaded words on the homestead. “Dad, there’s a snake out by one of the trees.” This was matter of factly delivered by the 4 year old. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a hint of fear in his voice. He sounded downright excited as he told me it was a garden snake. Foolish child. So like any self-respecting father, I acted interested and told him to show me. Don’t kid yourself, going out to find a snake was the last thing I wanted to do. In fact, if this had turned out to be some sort of misidentified stick, I would have been overjoyed. If not that, then maybe I would be lucky and either the snake would have slithered off or my son wouldn’t remember where he saw it. No such luck. Wisely, the other two boys had stood watch over the snake while the third had come to fetch dad. Drats!
As I approached, my oldest son declared that it wasn’t venomous. Now, if you can’t tell, I HATE snakes. They creep me out. Needless to say, I have never done much research about them. But what I am experienced with are children, specifically my own. For those of you either without kids or whose progeny are too young to understand trust me when I tell you that they can smell fear a mile away and will eat you alive. This knowledge led me to ask my son how he knew it wasn’t venomous in a tone that implied that I had the answer and was checking to see if he was correct. He instantly told me the shape of the snake’s head clued him into this detail. Apparently, if it were venomous it would have been shaped like an arrowhead or something. Anyways, he sounded authoritative and since I had nothing else to go on I told him he was right.
Why don't they look afraid?
After confirming the fact there was a snake as well as the location I headed off for some work gloves and a stick. The last thing I want is a snake snooping around my hens. I am not sharing eggs with creatures that have no legs. And being that I am just a big kid at heart, I know that every situation is improved if you have a stick. Really the only thing I was missing was the wood chipper from Fargo. Always seemed like a good way to disposed of snakes.
Upon returning to scene, I was informed by my boys that they had diagnosed the creature with either narcolepsy or death. Hey, things were starting to look up. I managed to get the snake on a stick so the kids could see. Once they were satisfied and pictures were taken, we deposited the now clearly dead snake in the nearby corn field. I handled that thing like a champ. I hated every minute of it but at least they think dad is alright.
Andy